Wednesday, 4 April 2012

A Fourth Dose of Biological Faerie Tayle

So I have ready for you all a fourth poem. Hopefully it will manage to be both fun and educational. Also I believe that Crashcourse has been a huge inspiration to these poems so thank you Crashcourse.

*polite applause*

I hope you enjoy!

Adenine and Uracil- A Molecular Beanstalk

There was a young lad
By the name of Jack
Who lived with his mother
In an old tin shack

And all that they owned
Was one milking cow
But it wasn't enough
So Jack made a vow

"I will sell our cow!
To the first man I see
And whatever he gives us
I'll surely agree"

So Jack set off sadly
For the cow was his friend
And he hated the fact
That their friendship would end

But he kept to his promise
And saw an old man
"Look after this cow
As best as you can"

In return for the cow
He gained not a gene
But a gigantic molecule
Of adenine

In addition to which
When he begged for a raise
The man also gave him
Some DNA halicase

And when he got home
His mother was enraged
That he gave away their livelihood
She would not be assuaged

"You gave away our cow
For a molecule of adenine?
Anything would have been preferable!
Even a bean!

And so in her fury
The adenine she threw
Out of the window
And into the blue

It landed in their garden
In the soil below
And in one single night
It started to grow

And when Jack was awoken
The very next day
Outside was a beanstalk

Like a towering ladder
With added leafy fronds
The rungs were all made
Out of hydrogen bonds

And the stalk well it varied
Coiled into a loop
Of an alternating sugar
And a phosphate group

The sugar was fived sided
Which made it a pentose
Specifically a sugar
Called deoxyribose

And the beanstalk
It spiralled up into the sky
In a large double helix
Both sturdy and high

And Jack started climbing
Both up and around
Til he entered the clouds
And lost sight of the ground

And the bases he clung to
There seemed to be four
Repeated in patterns
And sequences galore

And one thing Jack noticed
And knew it was so
The beanstalk conformed
To Chargaff's ratio

On his right was an adenine
With thymine on his left
The two always paired
And never were cleft

So to with guanine
It always formed a pair
With cytosine and nothing else
And so was formed a stair

Of nitrogenous bases
Which Jack swiftly scaled
Til at last his destination
Was finally unveiled

A giant palace
Of silver and gold
Of starlight and sun dust
And riches untold

And as he entered the palace
He feared for his life
And he trembled to see
An ogre's wife

But the ogress was kindly
And asked him to stay
She gave him some sustenance
And hid him away

For her husband was home
And he suddenly roared
In a thunderous voice
That could not be ignored

"Fee Fi Fo Fum
I smell the blood of an Englishman
Be he alive or be he dead
I'll grind his bones to make my bread"

But his wife said
"My dear, its only the soup"
And she served him a bowl
And his eyes started to droop

And when he was sleeping
Jack crept from his space
With a large bag of gold
And a very gleeful face

And back down the beanstalk
He quickly flew
To tell of his riches
So bountiful and new

But his mother wasn't satisfied
She wanted some more
And sent Jack back up the beanstalk
To survey and explore

So back to the palace
And the ogre's wife
Back to hiding in the oven
To keep hold of his life

"Fee Fi Fo Fum
I smell the blood of an Englishman
Be he alive or be he dead
I'll grind his bones to make my bread"

"Oh no no my darling
It's merely this stew
Just sit down and try some
Oh please darling do!"

So the giant ate the stew
And fell into a slumber
And Jack looked at the treasures
A very large number

And eventually settled
On a hen rather old
But the eggs that she laid
Were solid gold

Yet this still wasn't enough
For Jack's greedy mother
So she sent him up the beanstalk
To fetch her another

Marvel or treasure
A wonderful thing
And this time Jack picked
A harp that could sing

But when he entered the palace
And saw the ogre's wife
She was holding a terribly
Large carving knife

And she warned him
"This must be the very last call
For my husband is suspicious
And that won't do at all!"

"Fee Fi Fo Fum
I smell the blood of an Englishman
Be he alive or be he dead
I'll grind his bones to make my bread"

"Nonsense my hunny bun
It's this nice juicy steak
Do try some my sugar plum
Take! Take! Take!

And as usual the ogre
Dozed after this meal
And Jack picked up the harp
He was planning to steal

But alas! As he crept away
Utter disaster!
The harp yelled in shrill tones
"Master! Master!"

Up jumped the giant
"An Englishman!"
And Jack started running
As fast as he can

Down the DNA he slid
With the giant on his shins
And the ogre's wife was screaming
For her oggy-woggy-kins

But the ogre took no notice
As he followed after
Jack and his golden harp
Which uttered nasty laughter

And as he reached the bottom
And set foot on the ground
He called for an axe
To cut the DNA down

But despite all his efforts
The DNA didn't fall
For it is terribly stable
It didn't move at all

And Jack in his panic
And his mind in a haze
Reached into his pocket
And found DNA halicase

Which he threw at the DNA
And to his surprise
The DNA unravelled
Before his very eyes

Whilst the giant clung desperately
To one of the strands
Which was swaying precariously
To the ogre's trembling hands

Yet suddenly a whirling storm
A violent mighty tempest
Of splendour and of darkest night
That left the air with zest

A magical whirlpool
Of nucleotides
Rotating and buzzing
In corkscrews and strides

Descended on the DNA
In a blur of sudden motion
Blinking, flashing, merging
With a steadfast devotion

And then a mighty lightning strike
Directed by fate
Caused the  flying nucleotides
To activate

Quivers of energy
Infused the DNA
In bright pulses blue
An electrical array

And Jack gaping open mouthed
Declared with indignation
"The DNA is undergoing
Semi-conservative replication"

Yet the activated nucleotides
Though shining a blaze
Were missing an enzyme
DNA polymerase

Yet the ogre's wife
To save her husband's life
Coated the DNA in slime
Containing the requisite enzyme

And lo and behold
As true as true
Where there once was one
There now were two!

And the giant who had kept his grip
And survived electrocution
As well as a pelting by high force nucleotides
He wanted retribution

And clambered down his now stable strand
With murder in his gleam
Fell upon Jack and his mother
To the sound of a high pitched scream

He left them dead
Without a head
Which he kept as souvenirs

And the moral I convey
Theft doesn't pay
And DNA replication is a process steeped in tears, nucleotides, the deaths of two of the major characters and also the sudden vaporisation of the giant's pet rabbit.

Hehe. Just a question. Did the last non scanning not rhyming line seem effective? By asking this question I know I'm reducing its effectiveness by conveying the author's own self doubt about it but I'm curious.
It's supposed to be like those comedic adverts where the whole thing is garbled in one line often saying really preposterous things. I was almost tempted to add "batteries not included".


  1. It was effective. ^^
    And now I'll keep my favourite characters away from replicating DNA. 0.0
    (Also all rabbits I can find.)

  2. This is exquisite, Octa! You are so creative to adapt correct infomation into such a lovley poem!
    Yes, it was effective. Hilarious if you added "batteries not included" ^^
    And once again, I must depart now saying "OMG Octa this is AMAZING!!!" again for the fourth-hundred time. But Every single time I do mean it.

    Thank you for posting again!

  3. Oggy-woggy-kins? LOL Me thinks my Octa will have a new nick name! REG
    BRILLIANT Octa! *stands up and applauds* I love it! YES! this was effective. You are such a master of words! I love this version on the fairy tale. (except for the deaths of the two people) :P
    And I will say theft DOES pay. (you are looking at the Thief in Black whose next theft involves the Purple Poet) ;)
    LOVE IT OCTA! Thanks for posting. *hugs tight*