Monday, 31 December 2012

I Have Weird Dreams And I Cannot Lie

I thought that I would share this really weird dream I had last night.

So it's Saturday afternoon and I'm in shul (Jewish equivalent of Church) and everyone is gathered together in this side room. And we're having this vote. Apparently we are about to ban people from eating watermelons what with they being the fruit of the devil and all. So all the watermelons in the world are going to be locked up in  this giant golden cage and anyone who eats a watermelon will be put to death. The cage is called Mordor by the way. Because Mordor was written on the cage and somehow it stood for Outlaw the Watermelons or something of a similar statement but I forget how. The letters MOR were on one door and DOR on the other. But the DOR was backwards so we were actually sending all the watermelons to MORROD.

So because we live in a democracy we were having a vote to decide whether to ban watermelons. The vote would be decided by each person standing on one side of the room, the "ban" side and the "don't ban" side. Obviously I went to the "don't ban" side as the whole situation is ridiculous. I told everyone so, "Watermelons are both tasty and thirst quenching." Most people stood on the "don't ban side except for some adults including my mother. But people kept running from one side of the room to the other. After three change overs the vote was final and everyone had ended up on the "don't ban" side. Thank goodness I thought. Common sense has prevailed. But then they pulled back the wall (as far as I know its a solid wall and doesn't move). But they pulled it back anyway to reveal the other main part of the shul and to my horror there were thousnds of Charedi Jews in black hats all standing on the "ban" side. We were totally outnumbered and watermelons had just become illegal.

 Suddenly I found myself outside in the streets of Camden and saw one of my best friends. I told him that watermelons had just been outlawed and he replied "LOL WTF you are the third gay Jew to tell me that this morning."

Then I was back in the shul and all the Charedi Jews were weeping because they had just changed the word of God by making watermelons illegal and so now they had to follow all the other changes to the Old Testament including the preachings of Jesus and we had all become Christians. We all made our way upstairs and suddenly I was on a balcony above everyone else and I was invisible. There were two other people with me (also invsible) and I don't know who they were (well I couldn't see them). But we were on a mission to save the watermelons and go into hiding. There were three balconies and we had to jump to each one. The first jump was easy but we got to the middle balcony and realised the jump to the third one was too great a distance and we would fall and injure ourselves horribly. But we found a solution. Everyone was beneath the balconies and if a person came forward and said something heartwarming and meaningful we could jump and fly down and land safely in their arms. (I have no idea how the three people knew to come forwards as we were invisible but maybe we contacted them telepathically). But one by one my two companions made the leap safely until only I was left. The person who stepped forwards for me was another friend (friend two) and he proclaimed that I was a really great friend and then I yelled back I love you and jumped and by the power of friendship I was saved.

We began to plan our mission to save the watermelons.

Then I woke up.

So that was odd.

I hope everyone has a wonderful 2013. Happy New Year!