Saturday, 31 March 2012

I Needed To Post So Here Is Someone's Poem

So these poems aren't mine. Both by Walter Moers from his book "The City of Dreaming Books".

I love them. So poem-ey. Enjoy!

Where shadows dim with shadows mate
In caverns deep and dark
Where old books dream of bygone days
When they were wood and bark
Where diamonds from coals are born
And no bird ever sings
That region is the dread domain
Ruled by the shadow king

A place accurse’d and forlorn
With walls of books piled high,
Its windows stare like sightless eyes
And through them phantoms fly.
Of leather and of paper built,
Worm-eaten through and through,
The castle known as Shadowhall
Brings every nightmare true.

Monday, 26 March 2012

Random Doesn't Even Begin To Cover It

Farewell everybody!

So this post is just thoughts and random quotes and stuff.

There are some things that should never be made into musicals. But when they are its just like asdfghjkl that is so awesome! I am of course referring to Human Centipde: The Musical.

Stephen King once said “Harry Potter is about confronting fears, finding inner strength and doing what is right in the face of adversity. Twilight is about how important it is to have a boyfriend”

Did you know that the Mongols are the exception?

Also does perfectly sensible nonsense seem a little self defeating?

I was going to share a Hank Green quote about fish but I can't find it.


Also Master Derek. When will I be recieving my copy of Death Bringer? You sir, are one slow pumpkin.

Or perhaps a very busy pumpkin. In which case I understand. There are many trials and tribulations to being a pumpkin. But never forget Master Derek that there are also many joys and priveleges too.

Fezzes are cool. 'nough said.

Also we must reverse the polarity of the jellybaby!

And so I bid you all hello!

Sunday, 25 March 2012

Fairytales and Biology III

So many thanks to Mary and Rosella for your suggestions. I shall be sure to write a few more poems now based on your ideas. A little teaser- the fourth poem is tenetatively titled Adenine and Uracil- A Molecular Beanstalk/ Jack and The Giant- A Tale of DNA Replication/ Fee Fi Fo Fum- The Role of DNA Halicase
Which one of the three do you like best?
But as promised I bring you "Little Red Riding Hood and Cholera" I hope you enjoy.

There once was a girl in a cloak of red
And a silken hood with which to cover her head
A basket of delicacies hung by her side
As into the woods did Red Riding Hood stride

The reason for this was her twice monthly visit
To call in on grandma, a lady exqusite
A wrinkled old woman- with a bright kindly face
And wearing a bonnet of finest white lace

Yet whilst she was walking she happened to find
An intelligent lifeform of the nastier kind
For who wouldn't suspect her of utter delerium?
When she claimed to have talked to a cholera bacterium

But one that was almost the size of a bear
With a flagellum the length of a dining room chair
And a coating or capsule of mucilaginous slime
A creature commited to heinous crime

For the cholera cell who was called Vibrio
Full name Vibrio cholerae I happen to know
Would sneak up on his victim and unleash a protein
Both toxic and specialised to the small intestine

So Vibrio inquired of Red Riding Hood
Where was she going alone in the wood?
And the little girl pointed "Just over that hill
To vist my grandma whose feeling quite ill"

And Vibrio cholerae made a suggestion
You're not bringing flowers? That's out of the question!
For every invalid is cheered up with flowers!
Just pick some to bring her. It won't take you hours.

And off ran the cholera.
Red faced and rosy
Whilst Red Riding Hood gathered
A sweet smelling posy

And when she arrived at her grandma's abode
She took off her hood and set down her load.
But grandma looked different all tucked up in bed.
Whilst the white lacy bonnet looked small on her head.

And Red Riding Hood inquired with out further delay
Grandma how circular is your DNA!
And  grandma just smiled and mumbled and sighed
"All the better to evolve with!" she quickly replied.

But grandma! What a number of plasmids you have!
Pray! Why do you have them? Just what is their function?
"Oh they possess different genes I can add or remove
To my circular DNA, they work in conjunction

For simple DNA of the circular fashion
Is better than the chromosomes you praise with a passion
For I can change its structure at will on the slighest suspicion
That the environment will undergo an adverse condition

Yet grandma your ribsosomes are tiny and small
I barely can tell if you have them at all!
At this grandma flushed and was rumoured to announce
It's not the size that matters, it's what you do with it that counts!

And suddenly grandma transformed before her eyes
It was really Vibrio all along in cunning disguise
And he pounced upon Red Reding Hood and said with a sneer
"All the better to give you diarrhoea!"

And the toxin punched a hole in her epithelial cell
And Little Red Riding Hood didn't feel well
For whilst the cholera laughed from his podium
Into her intestine poured ions of sodium

Which happens to be
Severly detrimental
To the small intestine's
Water potential

And so water by osmosis moves
Into the intestine which the body removes
And thus Red Riding Hood's greatest fear
Dehydration through diarrhoea

Yet a passing lumberjack
Searching for his daughter
Saved the day
With a glass of water

Which he threw at the cholera
It acted like acid
You could tell that it worked
When his flagellum went flaccid

And though the cholera had melted away
The lumberjack looked on with a look of dismay
For there on the floor was the lumberjack's daughter
Killed by the cholera he happened to slaughter

But the lumberjack was filled with determination
And remembered a cure- oral rehydration
So he boiled some water and added some salt
Some sugar, a lemon and a wee dash of malt

And as the first drops passed Red Riding Hood's lips
She sat up and eagerly took a few sips
And thus ends our tale with Red Riding Hood revivied
And the outbreak of cholera never arrived

Saturday, 24 March 2012

Subdue The Nations Under Her Feet And Let Us Say Amen

So today in shul (synagogue) I was browsing through some books and found a copy of the Yom Kippur Machzor (prayer book for the Day of Atonement) published in 1860 and another in 1891.

And I found the prayer for the royal family. I just love the 19th century one. SO VERY BRITISH!

*clears throat*

He who dispenseth salvation unto kings and dominion unto princes, whose kingdom is an everlasting kingdom, who delivered His servant David from the destructive sword, who maketh a way in the sea and a path through the mighty waters, may He bless, preserve, guard, assist, exalt and highly aggrandize:
Our Sovereign Lady Queen Victoria, Albert Edward Prince of Wales, the Princess of Wales and all the royal family.
Subdue nations under her feet, cause her enemies to fall before her and cause her to prosper in all her undertakings. May the supreme King of Kings exalt and highly aggrandize her, and grant her long and proseperously to reign. May the supreme King of Kings in his infinite mercy, incline her heart and incline the hearts of her councellors and nobles with benevolence towards us and all Israel. In her days and in ours may Judah be saved, Israel dwell in safety and the Redemer come unto Zion.
May such be the divine will and let us say Amen.

The current version sort of omits the whole subduing nations part.

Anyway I now feel like being a 19th century gentleman.

Tally ho! Praise the Empire! God Save the Queen!

*rides away on an imaginary horse*

Sunday, 18 March 2012

Biology and Fairytales Part Two

So I'm not sure if there will be a part three. I possibly have the material for it.

Either way I have a new poem and some one liners. Enjoy!

Hypertonic- High water potential
Hypotonic- Low water potential
Isotonic- Goldilock's water potential i.e. just right (same water potential outside the cell as inside)

N.B I am not the first to use Goldilocks to describe adequate scientific conditions. The Goldilock's Zone is the actual terminology used to describe the zone around a star where planets capable of life are found.

And now I bring you The Three Little Pigs and the Perils of Lung Disease

Three little pigs built a house of straw
With a big thatched roof
And a mud baked floor
When along came a wolf
Who was big and fierce
With a furry snout
And teeth to pierce
The hides of the pigs
He opened his mouth wide
And called out to the pigs
Who were hiding inside
"Little pigs! Little pigs! Let me come in!"
Said the pig: "Not by the hair on my chinny chin chin!"
"Well I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll blow your house down!"
Yet the pigs were science pigs! Specialised in microbiology!
Another was a surgeon! And the third liked geology.
So the first pig threw a vial with tuberculosis bacteria
Which hit the wolf upon the nose and entered his interior
And when the wolf tried to exhale, it was with much despair
As his lungs were full of tubercles, scarring and tissue tear
Yet though the wolf was beaten, a sudden floating spark
Set fire to the house of straw
A glowing beacon in the dark
So the  little pigs fled and the wolf licked his lips
And they  built themselves another home made out of sticks
And when the wolf who had a son sent him to catch dinner
The pigs looked on without a hope, not even a glimmer
Yet the second pig, the surgeon, met the wolf's gaze
And released into the air a splash of elastase
And whilst the wolf coughed and spluttered
The elastin in his lungs uncoiled and cluttered
And the wolf glared angrily and made quite a din
With his "Little pigs! Little pigs! Let me come in!"
Said the pig: Not by the hairs on my chinny chin chin!
"Well I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll blow your house down!"
"No we gave you emphysema and reduced the alveoli's elasticity!
So now you can't exhale efficiently!"
Well try as he might the wolf couldn't puff
And collapsed from exhaustion from lungs turned to fluff
Yet, though you may doubt me, you staunch unbelievers
Suddenly the house was eaten by a whole dam of beavers!
Who disappeared as suddenly as their random arrival
So the little pigs fled to ensure their survival
And ran into the forest so quick, quick quick
And the three little pigs built a house of brick
And the wolf, still recovering, sent out another
The terrible, horrible, Big Bad Wolf's Mother!
The mountains would tremble at the sound of her feet
And she set off to find herself something to eat!
And the three little pigs did quiver with fear
As the terrible shadow of mother drew near
Yet the third little pig who was trained in geology
Also had a passion for lupinology
So he took some fine dust,
Made of silver and stone
Threw it at the mother wolf
And let out a moan
Hid under the bed
And shook like the tide
And covered his ears
When the mother wolf cried
"Little pigs! Little pigs! Let me come in!"
Squeaked the pig: "N..not by the h..hairs on my ch..chinny chin chin!"
"Then I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll blow your house down!"
Yet when mother wolf took in a breath
She turned quite pale and felt like death
"What have you done?" The Mother Wolf roared!
"Given you asthma!" the piggy assured.
For wolves are allergic to silver you know
And to breathe it in is a big nono.
And the Mother Wolf trembled and fell on her back
As she writhed and coughed in an asthma attack
Her bronchi constricted like the narrowest chasm
As Mother Wolf suffered from bronchospasm
And without an inhaler the Mother Wolf died
And the pigs lived in peace
With no wolves to misguide.

I hope you liked it. Next time I may possibly have "Little Red Riding Hood and Cholera". However it's rather problematic so it may not appear.

Wednesday, 14 March 2012

Let's Learn Biology Through Fairytales!

So a while back I wrote some poems for a friend to help remember their Biology notes.

Here is the best one.

I will post the others later when not so rushed.

N.B Ummm these may be funnier if you take Biology A Level. Nevertheless enjoy!

Hansel and Heart Disease

Hansel and Gretel were walking through the wood
Leaving behind a trail of crumbs like all good children should
When they found a little house that made them stop and stare
A house made out of sweets and cakes. A house beyond compare.
They broke and ate a windowsill and nibbled a light switch
When Hansel and Gretel were captured by a witch.
Who being sort of evil
And in the mood for a munch
She threw them in the oven
And ate them up for lunch.
Yet H and G
Were fat you see
And full of cholesterol
And also lipoproteins
Of which they contained several
And so the woman
With a horrible persona
Quickly developed an atheroma
Which lead to a thrombus
In the coronary artery
But our tale ends happily
Because the witch
That horrid bitch
She died of CHD

More to follow soon including the Three Little Pigs and the Perils of Lung Diseases