Sunday, 18 March 2012

Biology and Fairytales Part Two

So I'm not sure if there will be a part three. I possibly have the material for it.

Either way I have a new poem and some one liners. Enjoy!

Definitions:
Hypertonic- High water potential
Hypotonic- Low water potential
Isotonic- Goldilock's water potential i.e. just right (same water potential outside the cell as inside)

N.B I am not the first to use Goldilocks to describe adequate scientific conditions. The Goldilock's Zone is the actual terminology used to describe the zone around a star where planets capable of life are found.

And now I bring you The Three Little Pigs and the Perils of Lung Disease

Three little pigs built a house of straw
With a big thatched roof
And a mud baked floor
When along came a wolf
Who was big and fierce
With a furry snout
And teeth to pierce
The hides of the pigs
He opened his mouth wide
And called out to the pigs
Who were hiding inside
"Little pigs! Little pigs! Let me come in!"
Said the pig: "Not by the hair on my chinny chin chin!"
"Well I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll blow your house down!"
Yet the pigs were science pigs! Specialised in microbiology!
Another was a surgeon! And the third liked geology.
So the first pig threw a vial with tuberculosis bacteria
Which hit the wolf upon the nose and entered his interior
And when the wolf tried to exhale, it was with much despair
As his lungs were full of tubercles, scarring and tissue tear
Yet though the wolf was beaten, a sudden floating spark
Set fire to the house of straw
A glowing beacon in the dark
So the  little pigs fled and the wolf licked his lips
And they  built themselves another home made out of sticks
And when the wolf who had a son sent him to catch dinner
The pigs looked on without a hope, not even a glimmer
Yet the second pig, the surgeon, met the wolf's gaze
And released into the air a splash of elastase
And whilst the wolf coughed and spluttered
The elastin in his lungs uncoiled and cluttered
And the wolf glared angrily and made quite a din
With his "Little pigs! Little pigs! Let me come in!"
Said the pig: Not by the hairs on my chinny chin chin!
"Well I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll blow your house down!"
"No we gave you emphysema and reduced the alveoli's elasticity!
So now you can't exhale efficiently!"
Well try as he might the wolf couldn't puff
And collapsed from exhaustion from lungs turned to fluff
Yet, though you may doubt me, you staunch unbelievers
Suddenly the house was eaten by a whole dam of beavers!
Who disappeared as suddenly as their random arrival
So the little pigs fled to ensure their survival
And ran into the forest so quick, quick quick
And the three little pigs built a house of brick
And the wolf, still recovering, sent out another
The terrible, horrible, Big Bad Wolf's Mother!
The mountains would tremble at the sound of her feet
And she set off to find herself something to eat!
And the three little pigs did quiver with fear
As the terrible shadow of mother drew near
Yet the third little pig who was trained in geology
Also had a passion for lupinology
So he took some fine dust,
Made of silver and stone
Threw it at the mother wolf
And let out a moan
Hid under the bed
And shook like the tide
And covered his ears
When the mother wolf cried
"Little pigs! Little pigs! Let me come in!"
Squeaked the pig: "N..not by the h..hairs on my ch..chinny chin chin!"
"Then I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll blow your house down!"
Yet when mother wolf took in a breath
She turned quite pale and felt like death
"What have you done?" The Mother Wolf roared!
"Given you asthma!" the piggy assured.
For wolves are allergic to silver you know
And to breathe it in is a big nono.
And the Mother Wolf trembled and fell on her back
As she writhed and coughed in an asthma attack
Her bronchi constricted like the narrowest chasm
As Mother Wolf suffered from bronchospasm
And without an inhaler the Mother Wolf died
And the pigs lived in peace
With no wolves to misguide.

I hope you liked it. Next time I may possibly have "Little Red Riding Hood and Cholera". However it's rather problematic so it may not appear.

4 comments:

  1. LOL BRILLIANT MY DEAR OCTA! WOOOOOOOOOT!
    I love it!
    So very delightful and clever! (and so is your poem my love) ;)
    *wonders if this is the version of the fairy tale thier children will hear.
    *giggles*

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  2. ThIs and the one before it were hilarious. My only problem with them is that I finished biology a month or two ago. *sighs*

    But they did make me laugh. They were quite clever indeed. You should do one about DNA (aka deoxyribonucleic acid)/ RNA (ribonucleic acid) [I do believe]. Or on the stages of mitosis and meiosis. Or on the dependence of one system to another (ex. the respiratory and the circulatory systems).

    Just saying. Evolution would be cool too.

    You're as clever as always my friend.

    Blessed be,
    Miss Mary Hiashi

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    Replies
    1. Wonderful! Jack and the Beanstalk would be just perfect for explaining DNA!

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  3. Wow! This is fantastic, Octa!! (Albiet all of your poems are fanstasic)
    You are so clever!

    As Mary suggested, maybe meiosis/mitosis would be a interesting topic. And evolution. (
    My teacher got fustrated trying to explain to a someone that we are not ascended form apes/monkeys, rather we share a common anscestor)

    Regardless, EPIC. IS. THIS. POEM.

    Rosella

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