Octa Who

Why has no-one ever written Skulduggery/Doctor Who crossover fiction before? IT'S AWESOME (if I do say so myself :P)

I give you the ONE... the ONLY... OCTA WHO!!!

Octa Who

All clad in violet garments as he steps into the TARDIS

His companion wears a peanut suit and calls herself Gladys

A quill pen by his ear and golden ink near his heart

Reciting lines of poetry as the adventure starts

He often wears a fez

Perhaps a bowtie or two

He loves the colour purple

And he calls himself

Octa Who

A group of cleavers on the chase

Does he never stop running?

As he searches for his loved one

With a plan oh truly cunning

He often wears a fez

Perhaps a bowtie or two

He loves the colour purple

And he calls himself

Octa Who

For Kallista was abducted by a pepper of Daleks

For her death would leave the Michigan Sanctuary a wreck

But will the Poet be too late?

As the air is filled with cries of exterminate

He often wears a fez

Perhaps a bowtie or two

He loves the colour purple

And he calls himself

Octa Who

 Octa overcame the Daleks

And he started to smile

But it quickly disappeared

As up pops Lord Vile

He often wears a fez

Perhaps a bowtie or two

He loves the colour purple

And he calls himself

Octa Who

For the Daleks were vanquished

By a temporal loop

Infused with human faith

And a drop of chicken soup

He often wears a fez

Perhaps a bowtie or two

He loves the colour purple

And he calls himself

Octa Who

Yet to overcome Lord Vile is quite another proposal

And Octallista must use every choice at their disposal

I will sacrifice myself

So that you can live in health

He often wears a fez

Perhaps a bowtie or two

He loves the colour purple

And he calls himself

Octa Who

Tears are rolling down his face

As she saves the human race

But resolve breaks through his dismay

Nobody is going die. Not today.

He often wears a fez

Perhaps a bowtie or two

He loves the colour purple

And he calls himself

Octa Who

It’s not too late. I still have time to save her.

Get China on the line for she owes me a favour.

Etching symbols with a silver knife

Kallista comes back to life.

He often wears a fez

Perhaps a bowtie or two

He loves the colour purple

And he calls himself

Octa Who

He steps into the TARDIS and in seconds is gone

The adventure is over and humanity will go on

Flying through the stars where no-one knows his name

He clicks his fingers and they burst into flame

He often wears a fez

Perhaps a bowtie or two

He loves the colour purple

And he calls himself

Octa Who

Silkensail

A journey into the surreal.

Enjoy.

So I failed to get to the top 100 but at least I can post it again.

Silkensail

I come from my home of Silkensail

Across the airy sea

Where the whales sing

In the golden glow

Of a distant galaxy

For in Silkensail I was born and raised

Amongst the liquored stars

Those orbs of light

Would fall at night

Like drunken raindrops- crazed but ours

I often dream of Silkensail

With its rivers of music

Flowing up towards the sky

Each drop a single note

That was able to fly

I miss my life in Silkensail

The sprawling forests of fire

Trees of cooling flame

That bit with frosty teeth

In summer

 

The pebbles always sang

In Silkensail

A stony choir

Wailing in their multitudes

Like fossilised angels

My family never strayed

From Silkensail

Guarding the amethyst cats

Quiet docile creatures

From the pirate ships

Who descended from the darkness

To plunder their bodies

And sell them to Emperors

And lonely old men

I never looked back

At Silkensail

Never stopped to admire

The sandfish

Great dunes of fish

Or perhaps it was a shoal of sand

The two were often confused

At Silkensail

Many years have passed

Since Silkensail

Where dreams would float as bubbles

Through the rays of the honey-moon

Inside each bubble dream

Was a miniature sun-bear

Someone to talk to

Of Silkensail

My home is gone now.

Is Silkensail.

No longer do I taste the afternoons

Dozily watching the soft pink clouds

Many people found it bizarre

But to me, it was my childhood

My love and my home

Was Silkensail

Blogland In (Ninety)-Nine Verses

What better way to celebrate my 100th blog post than a poem about blogland?

So my thanks to Mar who came up with the idea and to Jon Cozart for the tune and song in general which enabled me to write this parody. Originally I intended this to actually be 99 verses and for this to be a lot more personal involving the actual people of blogland. But instead I wrote this nine verse parody as it means all verses have a tune and it flows well and as I couldn't mention everyone in nine verses I decided to make it a history of Derek's actual blog with only small references to the community that has grown up around it.

Anyway I hope you all like it.

Enjoy and DFTBA!

Blogland In (Ninety)-Nine Verses 

There once was a guy named Derek

Destined to be a star

The author of Skulduggery

From Ireland his fame spread far

Yo Derek! You’re amazing!

After three books published

Derek started blogging

Under duress from a gentleman

With a golden crossbow

People started commenting

And many started following

Poor Derek couldn’t do a thing

But watch and moan

The blog it grew

Soon an interview

With the much admired Laura

Derek toured Australia

And praised the mighty fedora

Constant updates about his life

Earthquake in New Zealand caused strife

His niece is his niece

His dog’s his dog

And soon the weirdo freaks are rife

They formed an army

Of ninja leprechaun minion things

Who started a bizarre community

I don’t really get it either.

Doo doo doo

Friendships were formed

And we all wrote long fan fiction

With vampires and con-maids

Oh no! Fletcher Hair-Dude gets slain!

Then xat.

Derek, Derek it’s getting scary

Friends turn on friends

Arguments make people wary Derek

Keep the peace, keep the peace

Suddenly a bond does cease

The end of their “wedded bliss”

Many try to leave the chat

Yet strict rules put an end to that

So increases hostility

Merry days of old as dead as can be!

Years go by

We laugh and we cry

Encompassing

Both weddings and death.

There once was a guy named Derek

Whose awesomeness reigned supreme

The tale of Skulduggery will go on

The ending still just a dream 

More Than A Kiss

It's been quite a while since I last posted a poem. Here is something short and sweet. I hope you enjoy. If you're not a fan of tender love poems then perhaps you might like to skip this one.
Enjoy :D

More Than A Kiss

Sinking in a state of incoherent bliss

Tongues tentatively touching in a short cool kiss

The warmth of his skin and the scent of his hair

Hands meet then lips sweet without a care

A bubble of emotions erupts in my mind

And the world shrinks- just the two of us

We’re all that’s left behind

The moment seems to last forever

As we sink entwined together

Gently he rests on top of me

Alone together for as long as can be

Then at last he pulls away

He pulls me with, we start to sway

Dancing in a state of incoherent bliss

And I smile at him, at love, at this.

Competitions are Awesome

YAY! I'M SO GLAD DEREK CHOSE ME AS ONE OF THE WINNERS.

Valkyrie groaned, and sat up. "I told you it was a trap," she said.
"No, you said it looked like it was a trap," Skulduggery corrected. "That's completely different."
He helped her up as a door opened behind them and Sadistica Tortura walked through, an unsettling smile on her lips.

Valkyrie stared uncomprehendingly. “This is Sadistica Tortura?”

Skulduggery nodded. “Indeed, this particular specimen of foulness and despicableness goes by the name of Sadistica Tortura.”

“But that name sounds really evil and horrifying!”

“To suit the monstrous depravity that stands before us”

“But she’s wearing pink.”

“Pink is the new black these days you know. The very mention of a fuchsia overcoat or a salmon cravat sends the most brave-hearted soul fleeing to a distant cave begging for mercy.”

“But pink hardly conjures up images of ruthlessness and brutality. It just reminds me of sickeningly cute puppies and rainbows and frolicking in meadows.”

“Well meadow frolicking aside, I never said that pink was a byword for evil and terror.” Skulduggery tilted his head inquiringly.

Valkyrie spluttered.  ‘sends the most brave-hearted soul fleeing to a distant cave begging for mercy’

“Undoubtedly. They’re fleeing from the dreadful fashion sense of anyone who would consider wearing a fuchsia overcoat.”

“But I was expecting... you know... torture or something.”

“The poor thing will be mentally scarred for life. If you don’t classify salmon knitwear as torture then I don’t know what is.”

Valkyrie sighed and changed tack.

“She looks suspiciously like a faerie. Small, gossamer wings, sparkling eyes and a toothy smile that is thoroughly unsettling.”

“Undoubtedly those are all due to the fact that she is a faerie.”

“But why would a faerie go by the name of Sadistica Tortura?”

“Why don’t you ask her?”

Valkyrie turned to the little sparkly figure who was now fluttering about at eyelevel.

“What’s up with the name, meadow frolicker?”

“Ah, I see your going with the tactful approach again.”

Valkyrie scowled and ignored him.

“Oh... umm... apologies if I’ve caused you any confusion” Sadistica squeaked. “But I didn’t want to choose the name Sadistica Tortura. I always dreamed of something sweet and romantic. Doris perhaps.”

Skulduggery looked on sympathetically.

“But... my stepmother has a cruel sense of humour and she does enjoy making my life miserable. As my legal guardian she had the final decision at my naming ceremony. And she gave me this absolutely ghastly name out of pure malice.”

“Well you don’t seem to be all that evil.” Valkyrie turned on Skulduggery. “What’s all this about then? We drove all the way here and then I waited for hours in the rain whilst you tried to figure out if this was a trap.  And now I see that it isn’t a trap after all?”

“No, no it merely looks like it’s not a trap.” Skulduggery corrected. “That’s completely different.

“See here she comes now.”

A dark twisted maelstrom with cruel eyes and an unbecoming sneer strode into the room.

“Hello stepmother” Sadistica mumbled.

“And what’s her name?”

“Something truly spine chilling” whispered Skulduggery.

“Agatha.”

Harry Potter and Oxford

So a week ago I went to "The Making of Harry Potter" which is an exhibition in the studios where a lot of scenes from the Harry Potter films were filmed. It was extremely awesome. So it involved visiting many of the sets and looking at props and things. The sets that I loved the most was Dumbledore's Office, the Great Hall, the Potion's Classroom and the Burrow. And also Umbridge's Office. It is truly ghastly in the amount of pink inside it. Mindblowingly, brainbogglingly, jaw shatteringly pink. Then I got to drink actual butterbeer. It's fantastic.It tastes like cream and apples with bubbles. That is how I would describe it. Then there were the outside sets like Privet Drive and the Knight Bus and the Hogwart's bridge. But perhaps the most stunning thing was the model of Hogwarts that the art department had built. It was extremely intricate in detail and was scaled to 1/64 the size Hogwarts would actually be. So pretty huge model. It took 40 days to reconstruct it after transporting it. And I got to walk down Diagon Ally. That was bizarre. Go Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes!

Apologies for lack of pictures but I forgot to take a camera.

And then a few days ago I visted Oxford University. It was fun. I got nuzzled by a rather friendly cow.

Song of the Snickerdoodle

So the long awaited song is actually here. I'm not even sure what to say. I had great fun filming this. I promised that I'd have this song up a week ago so I'm sorry for the lateness. Also I lack the technical expertise to make this video polished and I just know the song has a lot more potential in the right hands. But it's the best I can do. There was supposed to be a piano part but I have failed at adding it in. It was nothing special. The song is the main thing! :D

Lyrics below.

Also just incase you haven't read it before this song was heavily inspired by the fanfic Two Girls One Snail written by Quinn and Bryony. Please check it out because it is supermegafoxyawesomehot.

thatrandomhpfanfic.blogspot.com

Song of the Snickerdoodle

Two young girls named Ari and Gwen

Back to Hogwarts yet again

To magical beasts

And magical feasts

With Phyllis the poisonous snail

Gwen McKee and Ari G

Both Ravenclaws, awesome and quite quirky

Skipped their way

Down Diagon Alley

With Phyllis the poisonous snail

CHORUS:

Once a Phyllis

Always a Phyllis

A Phyllis she will be

Once a Phyllis

Always a Phyllis

A Phyllis she will be

Miss McKee she suddenly smiled

At the father of her yet to be child

"Oh Severus dear

How you brighten my year

I'm making an entrance in style!"

Though impassive in tone

Snape inwardly moaned

And swooped away on his bat like stride

“Flick it Ari! Flick the eyebrow!

And apologise!”

CHORUS:

“We’re already here”

“I’m already hungry”

“Shush no tutting!”

The witchard looked angry

“Quiet in the bookshop!”

Gwen innocently smiled

And Ari just rolled her eyes

Tweedle dum and tweedle dumber

“You’re not Angelina, you’re Arianna!”

 “Sure thing, butterfly wing!”

The creepy goth chick buys a snail

CHORUS:

How is that too obvious? Don’t you understand?

I could have hired out a big brass band,

And huge red arrows on a giant sign

For a party of the secret snail!

Awkward babies

With awkward cake

An awkward degree

And an awkward mistake

They live awkward jobs

Beneath awkward sun

They'll explode awkwardly above our heads

One by one.

CHORUS:

Malfoy almost surprised the wizarding nation

 Without saying “my father”

 For a whole conversation

Yet it wasn’t to be

For the ferret I see

That I have the misfortunate to know

That boy he’s so charming, such wit and such spark

I hope he gets raped and then eaten by a shark

But first can I shoot him, and push him off a bridge

Into the river below

 CHORUS:

Teapots are actually people too

Wasting their tea is a cruel thing to do

Don’t throw it out of a nearby window

Though it’s unlimited supply!

Yo yo. Hey ho. Listen to me go
If you can't catch up y'all all too slow.

Gwen tried to avoid Malfoy's coerced affection

By starting up a china cat collection

She promised to clean it every day of her life

Rather than become young Draco's wife

Yet Ari had a determined look in her eyes

"Cleaning china cats together

Is the perfect bonding exercise"

Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?

Would it be worth it for a profiterole pasty?

Detention versus deliciousness

Firstie, it’s a nickname dear

Remember that Gwen knows best

What on earth is a Snickerdoodle?

Ninja? or a funeral director?

Steve Jobs or a Death Eater?

They’re probably all the same

CHORUS:

Dumbledore singing to Katy Perry

Bloody Baron’s dancing’s extraordinary

How many imaginary rainbows can I excrete?

Snape’s goldfish impression’s a treat

Umbridge looked on with an expression of distaste

It resided unending upon her face

“Hamburger, Chinese water torture”

And thus the year begins

CHORUS x2

101 Songs 4 Chords

Well this is new. In practise for a video that I hope to upload sometime soon and also for general awesomeness I have recorded my own version of the four chord song. If you don't know what that is then you can youtube "the axis of awesome four chord song" but basically the last 50 years or so most of the music released has all used the same 4 chords. I don't think anyone has ever made a video with 101 songs before but I thought I would.

Apologies for the few mistakes, mainly when I got the piano wrong. Performing in front of an audience even though it is just a camera made me nervous. But apart from that I hope you enjoy.  I recorded this so many times because I had to do it one take as I am unable to video edit :P And I kept on making mistakes. And eventually the first take with minimal mistakes my voice had worn out so I had to wait until the next day to record this take. But the advantage is that I now know this song so well I was able to struggle through it at double speed which is amusing. Hopefully I shall record that too.

Here is a list of the 101 songs.

1.       Journey- Don’t Stop Believing

2.       James Blunt- You’re Beautiful

3.       Richard Marx- Wherever You Go

4.       Alphaville- Forever Young

5.       Blink 182- Adam’s Song

6.       Jason Mraz- I’m Yours

7.       Mika- Happy Ending

8.       Amiel- Lovesong

9.       Black Eyed Peas- Where Is The Love?

10.   Alex Lloyd- Amazing

11.   The Calling- Wherever You Will Go

12.   Bush- Glycerine

13.   Akon- Don’t Matter

14.   Lady Gaga- Paparazzi

15.   John Denver- Take Me Home, Country Roads

16.   Red Hot Chilli Peppers- Soul To Squeeze

17.   Thirsty Merc- Twenty Good Reasons

18.   Elton John- Can You Feel The Love Tonight?

19.   Lighthouse Family – High

20.   Alicia Keys- No One

21.   The Last Goodnight- Pictures of You

22.   Katherine McPhee- Terrified

23.   Maroon 5- She Will Be Loved

24.   U2- With Or Without You

25.   Linkin Park- Shadow of the Day

26.   Crowded House- Fall At Your Feet

27.   Sean Kingston- Beautiful Girls (Suicidal)

28.   Kasey Chambers- Not Pretty Enough

29.   The Beatles- Let It Be

30.   Red Hot Chilli Peppers- Under The Bridge

31.   Michael Jackson- Man In The Mirror

32.   Rihanna- Take A Bow

33.   Banjo Paterson- Waltzing Matilda

34.   Daryl Braithwaite- The Horses

35.   Men At Work- Down Under

36.   Train- Hey Soul Sister

37.   Bob Marley- No Woman No Cry

38.   Marcy Playground- Sex and Candy

39.   Semisonic- Closing Time

40.   AFHV- The Funny Things You Do

41.   Green Day- Basket Case

42.   Jack Johnson- Taylor

43.   Spice Girls- Two Become One

44.   Eddie Money- Take Me Home Tonight

45.   Taylor Swift- Love Story

46.   A-Ha- Take On Me

47.   Beyonce- If I Were A Boy

48.   Michelle Branch- Where Are You Now?

49.   Shakira- Whenever, Wherever

50.   Red Hot Chilli Peppers- Snow

51.   Eagle Eye Cherry- Save Tonight

52.   Joan Osbourne- One Of Us

53.   Smashing Pumpkins- Bullet With Butterfly Wings

54.   Offspring- Self Esteem

55.   Toto- Africa

56.   Sean Kingston- Replay

57.   Kelly Clarkson- Behind These Hazel Eyes

58.   Jason Derulo- In My Head

59.   Cheb Khaled- Aicha

60.   Avril Levigne- Complicated

61.   Offspring- You’re Gonna Go Far, Kid

62.   Pink- You And Your Hand

63.   Scott McKenzie- San Francisco

64.   Linkin Park- Numb

65.    Green Day- When I Come Around

66.   Nena- 99 Luftballons

67.   One Republic- Apologise

68.   Eminem- Love The Way You Lie

69.   Akon- Beautiful

70.   O-Zone Dragostea Din Tei

71.   MGMT- Kids

72.   Bon Jovi- It’s My Life

73.   Eminem- Not Afraid

74.   Coldplay- Life in Technicolor II

75.   Lady Gaga- Poker Face

76.   Aqua- Barbie Girl

77.   The Fray- You Found Me

78.   Red Hot Chilli Peppers- Otherside

79.   3Oh!3- Don’t Trust Me

80.   Lonely Island- I Just Had Sex

81.   The Gregory Brothers- Double Rainbow Song

82.   Tim Minchin- Canvas Bags

83.   Natalie Imbruglia- Torn

84.   Andrea Bocelli- Con Te Partiro

85.   Robert Burns- Auld Lang Syne

86.   The Axis of Awesome- Birdplane

87.   Katy Perry- Hot ‘N’ Cold

88.   Justin Bieber- Baby

89.   Katy Perry- Firework

90.   Katy Perry- California Gurls
91.  Abba- Mamma Mia

92.   Supergott- Caramelldansen

93.   Starkids- I Wanna Be A Starship Ranger

94.   Aerosmith- Crying

95.   Celine Dion- My Heart Will Go On

96.   Judy Garland- Over The Rainbow

97.   Rebecca Black- Friday

98.   Kesha- Your Love Is My Drug

99.   Bruno Mars- Just The Way You Are

100.   Adele- Someone Like You

101.                        Missy Higgins- Scar