Competitions are Awesome

YAY! I'M SO GLAD DEREK CHOSE ME AS ONE OF THE WINNERS.

Valkyrie groaned, and sat up. "I told you it was a trap," she said.
"No, you said it looked like it was a trap," Skulduggery corrected. "That's completely different."
He helped her up as a door opened behind them and Sadistica Tortura walked through, an unsettling smile on her lips.

Valkyrie stared uncomprehendingly. “This is Sadistica Tortura?”

Skulduggery nodded. “Indeed, this particular specimen of foulness and despicableness goes by the name of Sadistica Tortura.”

“But that name sounds really evil and horrifying!”

“To suit the monstrous depravity that stands before us”

“But she’s wearing pink.”

“Pink is the new black these days you know. The very mention of a fuchsia overcoat or a salmon cravat sends the most brave-hearted soul fleeing to a distant cave begging for mercy.”

“But pink hardly conjures up images of ruthlessness and brutality. It just reminds me of sickeningly cute puppies and rainbows and frolicking in meadows.”

“Well meadow frolicking aside, I never said that pink was a byword for evil and terror.” Skulduggery tilted his head inquiringly.

Valkyrie spluttered.  ‘sends the most brave-hearted soul fleeing to a distant cave begging for mercy’

“Undoubtedly. They’re fleeing from the dreadful fashion sense of anyone who would consider wearing a fuchsia overcoat.”

“But I was expecting... you know... torture or something.”

“The poor thing will be mentally scarred for life. If you don’t classify salmon knitwear as torture then I don’t know what is.”

Valkyrie sighed and changed tack.

“She looks suspiciously like a faerie. Small, gossamer wings, sparkling eyes and a toothy smile that is thoroughly unsettling.”

“Undoubtedly those are all due to the fact that she is a faerie.”

“But why would a faerie go by the name of Sadistica Tortura?”

“Why don’t you ask her?”

Valkyrie turned to the little sparkly figure who was now fluttering about at eyelevel.

“What’s up with the name, meadow frolicker?”

“Ah, I see your going with the tactful approach again.”

Valkyrie scowled and ignored him.

“Oh... umm... apologies if I’ve caused you any confusion” Sadistica squeaked. “But I didn’t want to choose the name Sadistica Tortura. I always dreamed of something sweet and romantic. Doris perhaps.”

Skulduggery looked on sympathetically.

“But... my stepmother has a cruel sense of humour and she does enjoy making my life miserable. As my legal guardian she had the final decision at my naming ceremony. And she gave me this absolutely ghastly name out of pure malice.”

“Well you don’t seem to be all that evil.” Valkyrie turned on Skulduggery. “What’s all this about then? We drove all the way here and then I waited for hours in the rain whilst you tried to figure out if this was a trap.  And now I see that it isn’t a trap after all?”

“No, no it merely looks like it’s not a trap.” Skulduggery corrected. “That’s completely different.

“See here she comes now.”

A dark twisted maelstrom with cruel eyes and an unbecoming sneer strode into the room.

“Hello stepmother” Sadistica mumbled.

“And what’s her name?”

“Something truly spine chilling” whispered Skulduggery.

“Agatha.”